so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Come on in and take your pants off
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