I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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