just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
