Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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