I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
