i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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