When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
