Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
