When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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