it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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