my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
