I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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