My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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