i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
