Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
