the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
