Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do vagina's smell?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
