At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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