he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
