He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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