I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The best revenge is premature balding
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
