Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
