remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
