Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
