apparently the secret to your success is patron
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
