i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
