my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
