He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Drake has all the answers
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
