I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
