So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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