is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
BRING THE BAGELS
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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