mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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