A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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