I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
