My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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