omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
as a side note pls kill me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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