I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm at about main and main street
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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