I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
