yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
