Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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