someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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