yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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