I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
