mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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