wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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