o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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