Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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