i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sorry about my life...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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