they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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