A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
