Fine. I'll sleep in my office
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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