So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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