Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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