I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize