i wish there were pregnant emoticons
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
