I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just want to make out with him forever
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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