did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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