So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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