My first STD was from a foam party
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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