Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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