Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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