Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
