Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
