I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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