glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
