we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She's just so happy...and so naked.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
