Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
