it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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