So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
