PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Boobs speak an international language.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
