I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Randomize
