Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
